current mood: sleepy
current tunes: I Will Breathe Fire - Strata

sorry 4 not updating again. Even though i'm not required to lol

about a month ago, i did the Webmaster Questionnaire, and i realized many of my answers were just me ranting about how much i hate everything i do and i just dont like coding.

when i was answering those questions, i thought it was kind of funny. but looking back and rereading the stuff i said, i just feel sad. it made me realize that i really never say nice things about my own work. and, i think that its funny to bring myself down.

im constantly just forcing myself to improve. i always end up getting burnt out. improvement is absolutely a good thing, but there isnt a moment where i allow myself to just.. step back and be content with how i am now.

i guess thats why you saw so many iterations of BloodGulch this year. im glad ive only gotten kind comments about every layout ive made. it made me feel better when i wasnt proud of my site. to most people, it was just another cool homepage. Thats cool.

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BloodGulch has not only made me more creatively productive this year, but also more comfortable with showing off my work publicly. kind of.

i really hate being social, seen, and percieved. ive always been like this, but these past couple years have made it worse.

i often have to force myself to go out, or keep things public. i guess i dont have to, but im pretty sure thats unhealthy. I Shouldnt See It As A Choice, Anyway. i would always choose to hide if i did.

keeping my site up is Really Hard for me, but its worth it i guess. its a slow process, and i think im getting there. hell, actually Uploading this blog post is a huge step 4 me.

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this website has surprisingly taken up most of my life this year, and its something i think about often. im proud of my site, despite how much it can pain me at times. im grateful 4 everyone and everything

BloodGulch isnt going anywhere, and lets hope that 2026 will be an even better year for this site

umm. okay im done now. bye

current mood: whatever
current tunes: Smash - The Offspring

i need to start writing for my site more. i already do a lot of writing for Myself. i have a diary on my notes app that i write in almost daily. nothing crazy happens there (usually), i just talk about whatevers on my mind.

i could be doing that here and giving whoever actually views this site more to look at. i just cant imagine letting the people of The Internet see my inner thoughts. im constantly watering myself down and worrying about what others think, and i honestly really shouldnt

how are you guys able to talk about yourselves so openly. like seriously

anyway. i'm working hard on the Doug shrine. i have a hard time writing about the things i like for the same reasons above, so i've been kind of nervous about uploading it. i'm only going to upload that page so theres proof that i am Doug's #1 fan.

thanks for reading i guess. i'll probably post again soon But dont expect anything